Leave me, please, to sunshine and teaLeave me, please
to my cup of tea,
with the steam swirling off of it
and the expensive sugar
settling in thickly at the bottom
in its customary large-grained sludge
I have some tea for you,
but I don't have any words for you
I have no ideas, or answers
or sufficient capacity of mind for you
only shared quiet for you
so shoo, flee, flutter away
leave me, it's fine if you do
there's sunshine in my corner
and a song I've inked onto my skin
with the words still river-singing
all over and inside of me
you are my lovely people
I've collected you,
earned you, and found you
or was born to already have had you
and you're my friend,
you're an aunt
my sister, or parent
here in my heart
and all safe with me, always
in my well loved, weathered people-cabinet
But I am fine, and I'm quiet
I'm just up to my chin
in soundwaves and sensations
with air in my pores, and a funny excursion
to a daydream palace
where I'm alone, but not lonely
and not giving in
so I'm silent, not dysfunctional
and I'm stealin
Home- AA day 12Hands coated in flour, little ghosts, I dust them off
on my shirt, in mock desperation, and laugh at the result.
My attempt to cheer you up works only a little
ending your frown quickly, but not sticking (so I try again).
My lungs expandMy lungs expand,
struggling with their burden
holding what seems like writhing fire
while all the burning, screaming patterns
of hot red light, and yellow suns
erupt in color-splatters
and paint themselves on the inside
of my eyelids
they burst over and over again
the aftermath of day-painted cherry bombs
until each fades into its shadow
and is later adapted,
into some new violent tapestry.
My lungs refuse me-
they've been filled with life
to sustain the flesh- capsule that contains them
but they refuse.
and so my body shoots up
propelled by my spasming legs
and of course, urgency
my arrival at the surface comes
with a gasping, wrenching performance
as I break the skin and suck in air
gasping, coughing, spitting out water
(my damn fool mouth opened too soon,
just tell me when it stops doing that
at every given opportunity)
I open my eyes and feel the chlorine sting
I bob on the surface, treading
with my sun-baked face upturned
and water draining off it
while another light sho
there is a savior's handbag in my fridgeYou linger on the Mediterranean,
chasing the sun,
waiting for the next target
dance backwards, darling
down the path to our promised dreams
we learned the religion of lovers leaving
butterfly love, sailor[s], salt-
the full-time dreamer
is alone in the dark.
so this is the path to paradise?
when the moon shines?
you bend like the wave,
reaching [for] a darker side of love
(breathing the dark)
I won't let you go back
to the nightmare king
distant fires are
the colors of god's magic
waves of melodious color
are breaching the wall
on the last day of our acquaintance.
(i can make you love me)
Relief in rejection- AA day 10I want to step out,
with a light in my head
a loose chest, every muscle sagging
in that good kind of limp
I want to breathe in
a broad hope for adventure
naivety somehow removed
or just a trivial concern
I'd like to watch
the gladiator death of revenge
so spectators remember:
"it put up a good fight
but lost out, to itself"
I want to step out
[of my skin?]
because I'm sure I'm vibrating
I am pure enthusiasm,
no, I'm on a sharp edge
but it's important that I'm balanced
as I'm producing and inflating
almost rejecting, but then absorbing
the sun-baked air that promises
the departure of regret.
I would like to go to the funeral
[of any hurt pride]
of my desire to win.
To subside, to regress- NaPoWriMo day 9To simply subside
to regress, sink, and recede
is to find the soul
far from heart, but nearing
what the heart tried not to see.
A child's nightmare wolf- AA day 9There was a wolf inside my head
who came into my darkened room
to lurk beside me, in the gloom
and warned me not to leave my bed.
With glowing eyes,
and breath that clung
to sweat-soaked sheets
he came as close as he could dare
to catch me up inside his glare.
My wolf said, "Hush, you'll be consumed,
I'll eat you up, and you'll be dead,
just some bones left, and smears of red
with mother night to be your tomb".
Each night, the same
with the wolf so near
at the foot of my bed
at the side, by my ear
with his eyes a strange green
and his mouth a fixed leer.
"I'll eat you," he growled, "you'll bleed, you'll be dead"
but he's gone, I'm now grown, and I'm safe, in my bed.
Some wilderness of pines AA day 8Is this, then, the extent of it?
the train came and went back
so is this all of it, every bit that I am to receive?
This is what my efforts have given to me-
the train screamed at me
every night at three until I thought
maybe it isn’t a plaintive mechanical passerby’s death scream
it could just as easily be a call to action
a cry to follow justice
to the depths at the end
“You need to wake up
wake up, and go
where your sleeping eyes have led you”
says some night train
but maybe it lies.
Is this the end of it, then?
I very much doubt that this is all
I can give
[though this is all of it]
that I have been able to find
if I followed my night train
I’d end up somewhere with rusted tracks
high up in the thickly wooded mountains
where the edge drops off
leaving me to hold up a wilderness of stars
with no mind to conjure up parameters
to confine them
and bringing only famine to the moon-drenched
pine oasis I woul